Before I Call You My Boo

There may be no statistical evidence to prove this, but it is widely accepted that November through February is when a disproportionate number of new relationships begin.  Temperamental weather conditions and a slew of commercial holidays make finding a reliable snuggle buddy a top priority for a lot of winter singles.  But be careful.  Sometimes the cold weather can freeze brain cells, and when they begin to thaw we realize that we may have been better off just rolling solo. So, before you get too cozy with the new boo, place your emotions aside for a few minutes and consider asking yourself the following practical questions:

If I lost my job and were unemployed for two months, would I still be able to pay all of my bills on time? If the answer is no, then you need only be in a relationship with one of two people: yourself, or a partner who is okay with sharing the financial responsibilities that come with dating.  If the 2000s taught us anything, it is that bad times can fall on anyone.  Don’t sacrifice a piece of your future in order to satisfy the material needs of someone who may be out of the picture in six months.  Be up front with yourself and your potential partner about your income and expenses.  Keith Wilson, a single, 29-year-old engineer from Houston, stated it best.  “If you aren’t exactly on Diddy status, don’t set a horrible precedent by insinuating through your actions that your pockets are deeper than they are.  Baby girl needs to understand that we are in a recession.”  He’s right.  If he or she cannot accept or appreciate your reality, whether ballin’ or not, then you need to move on.

What am I missing in my romantic life? If your answers to this question suggest that you want to satisfy selfish needs more than you want to fully explore your significant other, you may want to keep your relationship right where it is.  All too often, we pursue relationships because we are looking to fill some type of void.  This is fine in the beginning.  That void is filled and we feel some sense of comfort and accomplishment.  But eventually, the area where you had a void will become less important to you.  Other voids will pop up and you will look to someone else to fill them.  Sarah Greenwalder, a 22-year-old non-profit consultant from The Woodlands offered a grim worst-case scenario for situations such as this.  “Sometimes this void-filling search will happen after the relationship has ended; sometimes it won’t.  I don’t condone cheating, but I’m experienced enough to know that this is one of the main reasons cheating happens.”  In addition to causing infidelity, void-filling is also why some people can’t sustain long-term relationships.  “Commitment-phobes are classic void fillers,” Sarah says.  “They stay in relationships long enough to get their ‘fix,’ and then they get bored, or scared, and move on.”  Avoid this mess by making sure that you’re taking things to the next level because of who the person is, not because of what they can offer you in the short term.

What assumptions have I made about this person? As I stated back in the summer, one of the worst mistakes we make is assuming that our mate has certain qualities simply because we want them to have them.  This leads us to convince ourselves that he or she would not engage in certain behaviors.  It often times is entirely our fault, as we project our wishes to have a near-perfect partner onto them.  Torrance Henderson, a 26-year-old graduate student from Boston, paid dearly for this mistake.  He found out his girlfriend of three months was having threesomes with random weirdos she met off of Craigslist. It left him reeling.  “No offense to anyone who rolls that way, but I don’t get down like that,” he said.  “I was as mortified by the situation as I was upset at myself.  How could I have let someone like this so close to me without knowing who they really are?”  While this may be an extreme scenario to some, there is a lesson in Torrance’s story that can be universally appreciated. Think carefully about what you know about a person and be sure not to fill any holes with baseless hope.  You don’t want your relationship to fail in six months because you let infatuation cloud your senses.

What are your respective relationship ceilings? Are you open to the possibility that he or she may be “the one?”  Do you know whether he or she has long-term plans for the two of you?  You need to know the answer to these questions.  Imagine how horrible it would be if she were including you in her last will and testament while the most you would do is buy her some throwback Dada Supreme basketball shoes with the spinner in the heel.  Yeah.  The two of you absolutely cannot start your relationship on different trajectories.  Don’t end up like Ashley Ngo, a 31-year-old advertising executive from Sugar Land.  “One of my exes was introducing me to everyone in his family just a few weeks after we met.  It was awkward.  I thought he was a great guy, but he just seemed like he was trying to put me on the fast track to marriage.  I wanted a relationship, but he made me feel trapped before we even got going. Not cool.”

If you can ask yourself the above questions and reply with answers that leave you feeling confident in your relationship, then you may be well-positioned to take the next step with your partner.  Otherwise, start the New Year off by celebrating your independence.  Single people can have cuddle buddies and get romantic gifts, too.

Kiss me through the phone

In my experience, phone sex can be the perfect little weapon to add some naughty spice to any relationship, especially for all you distant lovers out there. So picture this, you’re honey calls you up on the phone and says, “What you got on?”. His voice gets deep and throaty and you know just what he wants. The problem is – you feel awkward and embarrassed about it because you “um, don’t know what to say.” Well, you’re totally not alone. Not all women are blessed with the confidence to get all Girl 6 at the drop of a hat.

Here are some simple steps you can take to loosen up and unleash our inner phone sex Diva:

Make yourself comfortable.

Do all the things you would do to create a perfect romantic evening at home. Dim the lights, enjoy a steamy shower or bubble bath, slip on something sexy, sip some wine or champagne and RELAX.

So now you’re feeling sexy, and you’re ready to make the call…

How do you get started? What do you say?

Let your mind reminisce on past salacious sexual experiences and imagine what could be if you two were together again – not now, but right now. Phone sex is all about the details. But it’s not only what you say, it’s how you say it. You’ll want to lower your register as no one wants to have phone sex with Minnie Mouse. Take the time to speak slowly, clearly and with a certain breathiness. And don’t be a dud about it. Be enthusiastic.

Entice him by tailoring the conversation to him.

Make him feel special and unique by playing up a certain part of his body that makes you feel all lusty inside. Whether its his arms, lips, chest or another unmentionable place.

Get graphic with him.

Paint a picture of the romantic evening you’ve been having alone. Tell him what you’re wearing, like one of his sexy dress shirts and some “fuck me” pumps. Tell him how naughty you are feeling, and how much you wish he were lying next to you right now. This is a no holds barred conversation. Arouse him more by telling him about all the dirty little things you would do to him and coax him by encouraging him to reveal all the juicy details of what he’s dying to do to you.

What happens if we get off course and back into awkward land?

If you find yourself feeling a bit strange about any of his possibly off beat request, don’t sweat it. Don’t laugh. But rather chuckle softly like you knew it all along. If you’ve found the conversation has gone astray – say mentioning spanking him when you know he’s not into that sort of thing and now he’s weirded out — it’s easy to bounce back by simply going back to a place you where before when he was into it or mentioning another fantasy you know he’s up for.

Step up the seduction

Ask detailed questions like, do you want to suck my breast? Kiss my pretty toes? Get tied up? Share whatever is on your mind. Create a methodically sexy scenario in which you two can both play your respective roles and reveal your inner fantasies. Have him give you instructions about where and how he wants your hands to wander over your body. Make sure to ask how he’s stimulating himself as well.

Wanna take it even further?

Take it all to the video phone or web cam.

By the time you hang up you both will be hot, bothered and feening for the other. But you will also be able to better satisfy your partner as you have allowed the other into your fantasies and shared what really gets your engines revved up.

Love Overboard

Ok so you were in love. Major love. Or you’re fresh out of a horrible relationship that lasted way too long. Now it’s over. What to do next? It’s an important decision. Previously we explored the idea of celibacy and the benefits one can reap from exploring it. This would make a fabulous time to give it a go. Letting go of the old and embracing some time with self can be healing. But let’s face it — it’s 2009 and most people are probably trying to stave off the stress of life by just sweating it out – literally.

So let’s think about the flip-side: a good ol’ rebound. I propose the question: does it work? Think about it, we have all had past relationships where at the end of them most of us couldn’t wait to throw ourselves into the arms of a new lover. Someone who would be everything the ex wasn’t. The refreshing feeling of newness after an extended experience of drama, arguing, or just the day-to-day hum drum can be quite exciting. There are so many possibilities that exist. This new person has come along and quickly made you feel shiny and new – like a virgin.

A hopeless romantic could easily fall into the new situation with fantasies this will be the one. Beware, vulnerability can make you believe almost anything. A more modest approach is to decide it is what it is. A rebound, chances are, won’t amount to anything. But at least you’re open to the possibility, and that’s healing in and of itself.

But why do we automatically assume that a rebound relationship is destined for failure? While it is true that they can be disastrous, it’s just as true that they can be helpful, healthy and fun. If you know damn well that you and your rebound are on a path to nowhere quick but it feels good, then enjoy it while it lasts. Life is not necessarily about where you end up but also about the path one takes to get there. Live a little and in the moment, LEARN. This is a time for you to figure out what you want in your next relationship.

Rebounding, when employed with intention and strategy, could actually serve as a useful tool. The hardest part of a break-up is the new found state of being alone.  Tumultuous times can be hard enough, but going through them alone can make them that much harder. The scariness of the prospect of what life may look like without a significant other can be daunting.

When going through a break-up, just a few days in you can find yourself rocking rose tinted glasses in a world of regret. These frames reflect such a lovely light on your ex and the entire relationship; regardless of how you were actually feeling when you were living it. Now all the things they once did that drove you up the wall, aren’t so bad after all. Having something, someone to think of other than your ex is healthy. You may be feeling vulnerable, confused or you just want somebody to be there to cushion the fall.

Pump your breaks, though, because you definitely don’t want to move too fast. If you do, you could quite easily end up in a situation just as bad if not worse than the one you are attempting to recover from (think Kanye’s situation). Don’t allow yourself to get caught up in the newness of the new and end up with a doubly broken heart. Be a grown ass adult, take your time and jump into the new when you feel ready. Be realistic about expectations, be honest, establish what you want, and don’t bring old baggage into the new relationship. Embrace the journey and the possibilities that exist. To have a new love interest around in times like these can help you heal and restore your faith in the opposite sex or same sex (whatever floats your boat). Enjoy!

Enjoy the Houston classic video below! Leather bomber jackets, strong footwork, and smedium flat top love!

Misstress Kaine: The Lenny Kravitz Approach

Summer is great for loving. There’s nothing better than comfortable weather, cookouts and cuties. It’s hard to resist taking one home, but those who indulge often find themselves sucked into a world of casual dates, and meaningless sex with strangers. Before you know it, one can quickly find the extra slack that once existed in their proverbial belt has shrunken with each notch to where it now fits like a corset.
So many contradictory views on sex are forced down our throats. Conventional thought either wants to force abstinence down our throats or force ideas on sexual freedom. Both can leave a bad taste in your mouth. There is an alternative. A very “do what makes you happy so long as you are not hurting others, ahem, unless they’re into that sorta thing approach. Ever given celibacy a thought?
Don’t make that face.

Popular beliefs about celibacy and the people who practice it tend to get a bad rap. People who practice celibacy are labeled as prudes who are sexually traumatized. I mean, who hasn’t had thoughts of crazy cat ladies dance around their brains when the word is mentioned. Regardless, the idea of celibacy should be given some serious exploration. There are many solid reasons to choose it as a way of life: lack of suitable partner, resisting or growing tired of casual sex, unwanted pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases and religious or spiritual pursuits.
As amazing as sex can be, it can also add a lot of unnecessary mishaps in relationships and life. Many women feel the need to use sex to hook a man, and all too commonly, relinquish their power in the process. We don’t need bald-headed, middle-aged men to tell us that holding out can lead to prince charming, when the fantasy of Prince charming is delusional. The same goes for the men who decide that a woman needs to prove herself worthy of the good D.
The notion that celibacy is unhealthy and unnatural is a popular one. It’s neither a prescription for loneliness, nor is it a diet of self-deprivation. The truth is choosing to or not to have sex is a very individual thing and celibacy does not have to amount to loneliness. “Lover Lite” and “Platonic Plus” relationships exist in which people happily go on dates, have emotional relationships but don’t have sex, married couples included. The ability to rationalize and make decisions is what separates humans from other animals. So deliberate fasts from sex are lessons in discipline, a tough skill to master. Being involved with another person sexually holds an intense exchange of energy. It’s ok to give the private bits a break. Airing out is not only for your vagina, but for your entire body, mind and soul. It can do a world of good for you in more ways than one. You can use all the energy you have been giving to another and redirect it in inwardly. Take time out to focus your energy on you, and reflect, relax and refocus. Listen to and learn from yourself to determine what you want from life, future relationships and create a plan of attack to get you where you want to be. One in which you are free to explore yourself freely in all the ways you may never have.
After you’ve done the inner happiness thing, try the outer happiness thing – as in masturbation. Self pleasure is one of the most powerful gifts you can give to yourself. Knowing your body thoroughly and be able to please yourself means that you can accurately express your needs and desires to your partner should you resume sexual activity.

Safely Yours,

Lady K. (Mistress Kaine)

Dealing With Her Past, Pt. 1

I meet so many men who approach relationships with such naïve trust. I don’t know if it is because they’ve got wool over their eyes, or if it because they choose to be ignorant – either way, it’s dangerous.

[Disclaimer: the following piece is not an “all-women-are liars” bash-fest. It’s simply my heartfelt attempt to provide some much-needed guidance to the wayward men out there].

When it comes to dealing with information about your woman’s past you should always assume the worst.  I cannot stress this enough.  No matter how virginal a woman may seem, you must approach the unknown in the most pessimistic way imaginable. In other words, you’ve got to believe that there is a chance she paid for college by doing favors in the champagne room with a calculus book in one hand and a little blue pill in the other.

Laugh if you will. Call it a defense mechanism if you must. But take heed, because what you are about to read might save your relationship and give you peace of mind.

Some men are completely open-minded when it comes to forgiving past moral indiscretions. That is great. I think that is beautiful because it makes the path to happiness one step shorter. However, most guys have some type of moral disqualifier – a relationship deal breaker, if you will – that causes them to turn away from the finest of the fine. For example, a criminal record,  or a been-around-the-block sexual history may make a guy bid adieu.  Whatever your moral disqualifier might be, it is critical to be prepared to hear the worst. Why? Because when the skeletons come out of your girl’s closet, they can rock you to your core. They can ruin your week and make you question your decision to get involved with her in the first place.  Then, you’re left feeling as though you’ve wasted valuable time – time that you could have spent looking for someone with a less ‘decorated’ background.

If you have difficulty accepting the truth about your woman, you may want to do some self-analysis to identify the root-cause of your emotional reaction.

Now, if your girl has intentionally lied or deceived you, then being an asshole might make you feel better, and the exercise in self-reflection is probably unnecessary.  But, if you can objectively acknowledge that your partner has not lied to or deceived you when asked about her skeletal past, then no ‘surprise’ should be strong enough to destroy your faith in women. Why? Because at some point in the relationship you placed an unreasonable amount of trust in her and set yourself up for failure. In other words, you set the bar at a height she never said she could clear and set unrealistic expectations for your girl and the relationship you both agreed to pursue.

As men, we often have unreasonably high expectations of the women that we fall in love with because to us, purity is perfection. The definition of perfection varies from man to man, but most men have a general sense of how much life experience is too much, too little, and acceptable for the perfect woman. Some seek women with unsullied histories while others prefer women who have just enough ‘experience’ to allow for a common lifestyle.  No matter where you place the bar, once it is set you have to be sure that it stays there. Any significant deviation in either direction can be devastating if we are poorly prepared.

So how do you prepare? First, you have to assume the absolute worst about the unknown and then see if you can deal with it. Then, take all of your partner’s good qualities into consideration.  And finally, accept what she tells you at face value and do not foreclose the untold.

If, for instance, she tells you that she once posed buck naked for an adult magazine, assume that she was in a full-fledged

“Mr. Marcus” video then see if you’re willing to accept that fact.  If after seeing the pictures you decide they are borderline deal-breakers, you may want to start planning an exit strategy. You have to be true to yourself. If some aspect of your woman’s past leaves you right on the fringe of the relationship, then quit while you are ahead – much scarier information could be lurking in your future.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not advocating a lack of trust in relationships. What I’m saying is quite the contrary, actually. The message here is to trust the information that you have and accept the fact that there is information you don’t have. Doing so will help avoid the letdown that comes with receiving troubling information about your mate’s past. Don’t allow yourself to be blind to the possibility that a disappointment will occur – it is inevitable in most cases. Simply acknowledge that your perfect, albeit delusional, expectations of your woman are irrational and keep those expectations from clouding the reality of your relationship. Accept your girl for who she is, and not for the woman you hope she’ll be, and you’ll be one step closer on your path to happiness.

The Male Intimacy Misconception

American culture has popularized the idea that the only intimacy that a man wishes to share with a woman is the kind that could theoretically lead to infection.  I speculate that there are two reasons for this.  First, try as they might, women simply have a poor understanding of men.  Therefore, classifying all men as single-minded, sex-driven fiends creates simplistic excuses for why relationships do not develop in the way that women might like them to.  Second, men have likely promoted this misconception for our own benefit.  If we decide not to get emotionally intimate with a woman, but would rather express ourselves physically, we have an easy escape route.  In actuality, most men really do crave all types of intimacy [If you are a woman who has been in a long-term relationship, however you choose to define that, then you should know this].  The key is that men are more protective of our emotional and psychological intimacy than women are.  We select who to share more meaningful sorts of closeness with based on our evaluation of how important a woman is to our lives.  So, if you are a female who is wondering, or ever has wondered, why a man seems so emotionally cold to you, don’t assume it is because he only desires physical intimacy.  Ask yourself what category you’ve been placed into.

Yes, like women and their dreaded “friend zone,” men too have somewhat rigid categories for women.  Ours are a little more subconscious, though.  We do not waste time playing mental games with ourselves, trying to figure out who to receive attention from on any given day or who to move around into different classes.  Nope.  As soon as we meet a woman, we instinctually know exactly where she belongs.  She is either something very temporary to play with, someone long-term to play with, or the real deal.

If you are a woman who gets placed into the first category, do not expect to learn anything worthwhile about a man’s emotional or psychological makeup.  You are the one who helps spread the misconception that men only want physical intimacy.  You are the person who receives no more than two calls or texts per week from a man; at least one of which is sometime after 11 p.m.  Now, this is not necessarily a bad thing.  I certainly am not passing judgment on this type of relationship.  It should just be understood that women who fall into this category receive no more than bubble gum and…well, you know.

If a man is not quite ready for a serious relationship, the best a woman can hope for is to be placed into the second category.  She will roam around in intimacy Limbo for an indefinite period of time until a man feels ready to reveal himself emotionally.  And, the unfortunate reality is that he may later commit to some other woman.  This scenario could, and likely will, be the topic of a future article, so I will not flesh this out much.  The important lesson as far as intimacy is concerned is that the women here are more likely to experience a real connection with a man than the bubble gum-chewers.  Much like most women have to warm to the occasion physically and tend to slowly introduce men to their hidden desires and tricks, most men ration out emotional secrets.  It is all about vulnerability.

Men are “supposed” to be the stoic, no-nonsense sex.  We are not supposed to cry when burdened with separation anxiety, show fear when confronted with a threatening situation, or reveal insecurities and emotional weaknesses.  These are very personal things to us.  Women, as we all know, are emotional creatures.  After two dates, it all starts pouring out.  She will start to get insecure about what category she falls into (which means she probably isn’t the real deal because men are very purposeful and direct when we see someone we truly want), and it will show.  You are likely to get a truer sense of who a woman is emotionally than who she is physically after two dates.  The opposite is true with men.  And, just like a man may never get to participate in his woman’s fantasies if he does not stick around long enough, a woman may never understand what makes her man tick when they are looking eye-to-eye.

The best way that a woman can be guaranteed to really get to know her man is by being the real deal.  Temporary women typically have no shot at this, hence the saying, “you can’t turn a [bubble gum-chewer] into a housewife.”  The intermediate-level woman has a chance, but the jump from the developmental league to full-time, salaried player takes hard work and luck.  Regardless of who ends up in the Promised Land, it is an undeniable fact that a fully-functional, healthy, romantic relationship is dependent on the existence of a strong connection between the parties.  Without this, a woman is likely to receive only what men are most comfortable handing out.  Bazooka Joe.

Men only want sex?  Nothing could be truer yet simultaneously further from the truth.  It all depends on what category a woman falls into.  So, if you are single or involved, female, and curious about a man’s emotional and psychological state, do not blame him for being deficient.  Take a minute to evaluate things using the above rubric.  Then, be patient, and your significance in his life should eventually become clear.

I Don’t Get It, I’m a Great Catch Pt. 1

Do you ever find yourself asking, “What the heck is wrong with me?  I’m educated, I have a great personality, and I may not be Paula Patton or Idris Elba, but I’m fairly easy on the eyes.  Why am I on the market?”  Or, perhaps you’re a bit less self-deprecating and substitute the first sentence with, “what the heck is wrong with Houston? Even more puzzling to you is one of the following alternate realities, one which likely pertains to your present, unfulfilled state: a) your friends have all found Mr. or Ms. Amazing; or b) your friends, who you believe are prospects as equally attractive as your amazing self, are passengers in your boat.  Well, the following piece of information could very well explain what’s wrong.  Brace yourself.  You are not as fly as you think you are.

There is a huge percentage of educated, black, and at least semi-attractive people who have grossly-inflated senses of self thanks to the media and people who supposedly love us.  It isn’t our faults.  Young black girls are called “princesses” and “queens” by their mothers, fathers, grandparents, and anyone else who raises them with compassion and care.  To compound matters, they have the expectation of being swept off of their feet by recklessly-enamored “Prince Charmings” thanks to children’s movies such as Cinderella and Beauty and the Beast; and thanks to literature classics like Romeo and Juliet.  When they become more mature, the message that is repeatedly beaten into their heads is that black men are trifling, low-achieving characters that are not good enough for them.

Interestingly, this same message has contributed to the false sense of self that black men have.  Those of us who manage to become successful and exceed the expectations that nearly everyone in America has of us are acutely aware of our perceived rareness.  We think that since we are the cream of the crop, the best consistency would be for life to pair us with the crème de la crème.  Furthermore, movies, music, and magazines teach us that the only women who actually matter are the “fly” ones.  If we can’t call her “Halle Berry” in the club, and if she isn’t a certain complexion or doesn’t have the desired height-to-weight ratio, then she isn’t worth our time because — “we can do better.”  In fact, society tells us that, due to the impressive fact that we aren’t snatching purses and that we possess the ability to read this column, we deserve better.

Now, I’m not saying that there is no truth in any of these attitudes.  I understand all of these arguments.  But, what if maybe, just maybe, black men and women turned the “swag” down just a little?  I recently looked through my catalog of ex-girlfriends and former flings and realized that I could probably start my own men’s magazine if they were all willing to pose for it.  Beyond mere physical appearance, each of them is on their way to becoming accomplished professionals.  Yet in each and every case, they weren’t quite good enough.  They were always missing that one thing.  I had Marcus Graham syndrome (if you haven’t seen Boomerang, please go to the nearest Blackbuster and then write a four-page letter apologizing to President Obama).

Many of us run into equally-yoked and equally-available members of the opposite sex on a weekly basis, yet something always gets in the way.  One of those things is the fact that we have lost touch with reality.  You can be brilliant and motivated and attractive and still be an eight or a nine.  Yes, you who think that you are a “dimepiece” or an Adonis, because you have certain things going for you, may actually be an eight or a nine for other reasons.  There is nothing wrong with that.  Now given that reality, is it not bizarre of us to demand perfection in someone else when we have undesirable flaws of our own, some of which we can’t even admit to?

Let me be clear: I am not advising us all to drastically lower our standards and start looking for love in people who we wouldn’t feel comfortable babysitting our nephews.  But perhaps what we think of as a perfect match is actually a mismatch.  If we are ‘8.5s’ looking only for ‘10s’, can we justifiably be frustrated when life continues to feed us ‘nines’?  Something to chew on…

SEXTING in 2009

“If those pictures turn out to be hers, it will prove to me that she lacks self love…”.- Huffington Post

“Ri, you silly donut. Didn’t you think these were going to haunt you some day? Keep your knickers on, petal.” – Gawker

“She’s the perfect role model….I’d want my daughter to look up to her definitely……*eye roll*” – Perez Hilton

Women have been a strong artistic focus when expressing beauty and sexuality through art and nudity. Our earliest form of art represents the female form as a temple of fertility – that whole circle of life stuff, and from Picasso to Gauguin and countless others have all had a deep respect for the female form. That admiration dictates that the natural gifts women possess should be admired, and revered.

For all the non-women out there, it’s true, being a woman is pretty damn awesome. A woman’s curves to the softness of her skin; a real woman knows when she feels beautiful and therefore may feel free to express herself through video, film, and/or photography. Sometimes if a man is special enough, he may get the overflow of what it feels like when you truly, love your body – and your man. Flash a thigh, a nipple or a naked silhouette and you’ve just made your man’s week while he’s away traveling on business.

So the question is not wtf is wrong with Rihanna. It’s what’s up with this ever-growing list of wack people who think that these types of photos should be leaked? Nude photos are nothing new, but what is new is how complacent and desensitized we’ve become to the images that are splashed on every blog, online magazine (except of course theblvdmag.com), and etcetera, and how damn greedy we as a public has become to see more of this.

But even that is not the real gotcha in this whole situation. The bitchassness behind the release of the photos is what’s so sad and pitiful.  True enough, the line between publicity stunt and invasion of privacy are so blurred it’s easy to learn not to care, but damn, it’s hard to want to be creative for your man when jerks are using technology as a weapon. And it’s ruining it for every non-celebrity who wants to take a picture for her man. Believe That.

So, Boulevardiers, please spread the word to anyone you might suspect of a little beyotch-ness that leaking personal photos is so not what’s hot in the ’09. What’s cool in the ’09 is respecting whatever situation you are in and not succumbing to being vindictive. It’s weak to be vindictive. How many men out in the universe feel that releasing erotic personal photos of one’s lady, one-night stand, ex-girl, or wife/ex-wife is acceptable?

In all honesty, this immature behavior ruins the voyeuristic appeal of sending sexy photos to many women, which in turn, ruins what would have been a very exciting evening for you men. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT VIRTUAL NUDITY through Sexting? And HONESTLY HOW MANY GUYS HAVE SEEN EROTIC IMAGES OF GIRLS THAT WEREN’T THEIRS?

George Bush and the Texting Epidemic

First off, if anyone reading this has never seen Will Ferrell’s: You’re Welcome America: A Final Night with George W. Bush, you are missing the most fantastic performance of a comedic impersonation. As a true home grown Texan, I feel that I totally understand and know George Bush after watching this. Ferrell brings a likability to his character. As terrifying as it may sound, he’s doing Ol’ Dub a favor .

Here’s a clip below. He’s quite genius.

THE TEXTING EPIDEMIC

In just the span of 8 years texting, facebooking, myspaceing, and twittering has ruined the social fabric of America. Dependency on cell phones are way too intense. Text messaging has become such a major form of communication that it’s acceptable to have an entirely unacceptable lengthy conversation via typing. Take for instance the latest “Chris Brown News”,

Chris Brown’s manager Tina Davis sent a three-page text message that started his alleged assault against Rihanna.

According to TMZ.com, Davis and Brown — who are 20 years apart in age — had an intimate relationship.

A “three-page text” is what started this whole disgraceful Chris Brown and Rhianna Circuis. A damn lengthy text message. Please forgive my harsh criticism, but shit has gotten a little out of control? It’s really sad and we’ve all fallen victim to our new found crazy dependency over texting.

Has anyone ever received a text reading….” You looked so good last night at the club….I hope I haven’t offended you” ? As opposed to giving you a call the next couple days, folks feel the comfort of masking behind texting. Or the…” It was nice meeting you, here’s my number, call me sometime” text message. Is there no satisfaction in hearing a voice?…. What is society so afraid of?

In my adventures of being single and dating, my love-hate for texting has added to many unfortunate episodes of miscommunication with the opposite sex, damn near ruining what could have been a great relationship. I’ve literally called someone and left a message via voice mail and in return received a response through facebook. When I’m out at, let’s say THE CLUB, I catch both women and men feasting over their blackberries and flimsy flip phones clinging to every word received via text. Forget socializing or dancing, texting is the latest fashion statement, “Check out my new blackberry…too bad you have the old one!”

It’s gotten so bad that people are getting arrested for social networking. Check out the story about the high school dude who got arrested for posing as a female on his facebook page to entice other male classmates to have sex with him….That link is here http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,495664,00.html. It’s kinda “Ghei”.

Both Women and mostly men are stuck and have accepted operating their entire relationship through social networking. One not having the balls to talk to the other will eventually lead to major damage in the relationships. What a cold shame?

My love -hate relation with texting lead me to this post. If, I can literally schedule an after work happy hour with at least four of my girl friends via text message and we all arrive in fellowship at our fav spot without ever having to dial a number….then we’ve wasted so much of “friend-time”. Let’s call one another girls!

To BriNG THis tO a ClOSE, when it’s acceptable to use syntax such as…LOL, LMAO, TTYL….

?	I have a question
?	I don’t understand what you mean
?4U	I have a question for you
;S	Gentle warning, like “Hmm? what did you say?”
^^	Meaning read line or message above
<3	Meaning sideways heart (love, friendship)
<33	Meaning heart or love (more 3s is a bigger heart)
@TEOTD	At the end of the day
.02	My (or your) two cents worth
121	One-to-one (private chat initiation)
1337	Leet, meaning ‘elite’
143	I love you
14AA41	One for all, and all for one
19	Zero hand (online gaming)
1DR

then you know it’s down hill for the next generation! They won’t be able to write a college paper for stupid mistakes like using “u” instead of “you”.

People are losing out on creating soul-mates, ruining careers, and wasting personal time. When a decent call was once a normal part of a social medium, texting has reared its ugly head and taken its place. I feel for President Obama’s addiction to his crackberry. It makes his job much more stressful. Receiving bad news 24 hrs a day via text and email is mind blowing.

What if Chris Breezie’s manager would have just left a message on his voicemail instead of sending a psychotic career ending 4-page text to his blackberry?….Or if that one guy or girl you really had a true connection with would stop hiding behind text messages? We could learn more about one another. The crazies are revealed through over- the- phone convos and we all have the right to know who and what we’re dealing with.

Will our techy generation kill the most important form of socializing? Texting is equal to Reality T.V.

It gets more addictive and abusive the more years pass.

TTYL

Things You Know If You’re Single in the City

…….depending on your region of habitat, after 26, the idea of marriage can be a life long formality of events. At 28, I’ve been in 3 Texas weddings in a year, all close friends and they are all doing well and seem somewhat happy. All three marriages are drastically different but the way in which they love each other show similarities. They entertain each other by spending the majority of their time together doing married-couple-stuff like: planning vacations with other married couples who may or may not be on their top ten list, they plan pregnancies, they problem solve family issues, they host parties all in the close confines of their suburban homes, and they have life insurance policies. It all seems apart of the evolution of married life. “This is how we do it! Either jump on board or don’t, it’s your loss”. It sounds like the right and wrong thing to do. I guess it really does depend on where you live.

I’ve lived in New York for over 3 years and now that I am back in my hometown ,Houston, Texas, the social disparity amongst the single and married is evident in both regions. For example, as a New Yorker, the single life is celebrated. The entire island of manhattan is a haven for the young, established go getters, males and females seeking solace in climbing to the top of the socioeconomic ladder alone if may be. There is no sense of urgency in marriage because folks are too jaded to make the commitment. There is no time and too many attractive people to choose from.

Starting a Wednesday night with happy hour and night capping it with an industry party is a normal form of escape from the rigors of corporate. The night life itself can be so pretentious that Saturdays are designated for the “tunnel and bridge” folks or better yet, the annoying tourists. By the next morning you have a hangover, you can’t remember who you met, and it’s time to go to the office and do it all over again. All the one-liner cliches heard from esteemed New York moguls like Sean Combs (I hate playing into the P. Diddy monikers) isn’t just useless rhetoric. “The city never sleeps”, “You work hard to play hard”, is all true in the “Sex N’ The City” lifestyle of the single city dweller. I would be wrong to place all the blame on the city. The age 25-plus attitudes on marriage are not so sanctified. In a city where your boyfriend can be your roommate after only a couple of dates, the rules of engagement are broken. Before you know it, you’ve been living with a guy or gal in close quarters for over three years and that may be the closest you get to marriage, and you don’t even really like the person….lol.

Living in the city is enjoyable. Whether it’s Houston, Manhattan, LA or Chi-town, living in a metropolitan environment works well with the single grown up. Living in the city gives you a higher chance of getting involved in your community, finding your creative niche, and meeting some awesome people. Areas in Houston like The Heights, The Galleria, Montrose, and Midtown are mostly catered to socially active people. Here you will find farmer’s markets, night life, and museums. If you’ve lived in the suburbs the majority of your life and you’re still single, try moving into a metro area. Your social life may change dramatically.

Being the 3rd wheel is cool until midnight. When hanging out with your favorite couple, there are unspoken rules that the single friend must adhere to. It’s very important to give couples, whether married or engaged, their space, even if they are entertained by your presence. A single’s night may end at 3am, but the married life only allots the late night hours to major city events, such as the Super Bowl, New Years, and a concert. Generally, the married folks can stretch it to 12:30 am tops, maybe 1am. If they have kids….forget about it. So single folks, you may have to get a life and find other single friends. Now you may wonder “What if the best of your best friends are married? What should I do?”…..that’s the wrong question to ask. If you don’t find another circle of single friends then you will be subject to whack blind dates set up by yours truly and boring lonely nights. It’s great to have different circles of friends. The opportunity to travel and new forms of entertainment will be more plentiful.

Having sex after meeting someone after the first couple of weeks may not be a bad thing. After about 23, all those rules are silly. You’re an adult. If you are responsible and love yourself then you’re good. Sex rules are becoming obsolete. Don’t do away with your moral obligations with sex, but don’t read too deep into “The Rules”. Have rules that work for you and your personality. If you need advice, talk to a friend that you can depend on. Every experience is worth the experience, good or bad (I know it sounds redundant, but it’s real).

Just because you have a great connection with someone, doesn’t mean that person could be the one. People generally put their best foot forward when meeting someone new and attractive. Newness is always exciting to single folks. It’s a fresh start to beginning a new journey with someone who shares the same ideals and ambitions as you. Take it easy and slow and make sure that “best foot forward” isn’t connected to a janky leg. Yes, I brought back the word janky [questionable, fraudulent, misleading]. Due to the nature of the times, people want the perception as “I’m the best person ever”. No one is perfect and everyone has skeletons, so if it’s too good to be true, it probably is. You want to connect with a human, not a fraud ass wannabe.

It’s cool to be married because you’re not in it alone. It can be hard planning your life without your better half. Sometimes, people do not arrive at the top of their game until they’re married. You may think you have it all together and your life could not be any better, but when you have that person who loves you and sees your success as their own, you’re more inspired to take a risk and succeed or fail with dignity and support. At the end of it all, you’ll be the best person you can be because the life of your husband/wife and children depend on it. Barack and Michelle Obama are a great testament.

It’s cool being single because you are in control. If you want to take a trip to New York for the weekend, there’s no questioning it. You don’t have to hold a family meeting discussing the pros and cons. You are responsible for you. It’s easier to manage finances in some circumstances because you don’t inherit someone’s debt. You don’t have to answer to someone before you make a big purchase. The longer you remain single, the more in tuned you are with yourself and your wants and needs in a relationships.

Dating two people at once is acceptable. Two people can make a perfect ONE. What one person lacks in one area, the other can pick up the slack in another….lmao

And last but not least…….. Single people (if you’re doing it right) have a great sex life.

Please feel free to leave comments……I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR OPINIONS!

Also, send me an email at info@theblvdmag.com with the subject “sex n love” for your stories and advice you may want to share, please keep it moderately clean.