The Hypochondriac’s Nightmare…
May 5, 2009 by A. Onesauce
The Swine Flu! AGHHH!
The swine flu has given way to media sensationalism and hysteria, and everyone is going crazy. Don’t get me wrong, I take it very seriously, especially when there are people dying from this. I must find some humor in the midst of all of the paranoia however. At the airport people are wearing masks and if you cough in a quiet place everyone begins to look at you like you’re a leper. The moment you mention that you’re allergies are bothering you people are discreetly asking you about your symptoms, “are you having muscle aches? Fever?” You’re just a person who has year-round allergies and you have to take your Allegra-D on a regular basis, no big deal right? Wrong. And, you may have just worked out or moved a bunch of heavy boxes recently, so your muscles may ache just a tad bit – but don’t tell anyone. To others you are a virus filled health hazard and you must be stopped. Who cares that you eat pretty healthy and you stay away from fattening foods to keep your arteries from being clogged. Who cares that you try to drink the suggested eight glasses of water a day. Who cares that you take Vitamin C and Echinacea on a regular basis to keep your immune system strong. You sneeze in a waiting room, at church, in the cell phone store – you have the Swine Flu. And, you must perish.
In all seriousness, my fellow Americans, please take care of yourself. Wash your hands, keep a bottle of hand sanitizer around, keep a can of Lysol at your desks at work. Even with out all the Swine Flu talk, people should try to work a little harder to not spread their nasty little germs. And, for God’s sake, PLEASE wash your hands after you go to the restroom. I don’t care if you only do “number1” and if you do drop a deuce, be courteous and strike a match or take that can of Lysol with you to the john. We didn’t need the Swine Flu to rear its ugly head for people to abide by these rules – but I’m taking the time out to address this problem because some people don’t know. There’s nothing like being in the restroom and witnessing your co worker take a squat and then walk out like he or she didn’t just wipe themselves AND touch the handle on the toilet in a PUBLIC bathroom. That’s probably how the Swine Flu got around so quickly – just because Jane or John Doe decided to relieve himself, not wash his hands, go to the conference room and stick his hand in the office cookies.Gross. So, people to avoid getting the Swine Flu, E. Coli, Pallegra, a Charlie Horse, or whatever the “new” virus is wash your hands.
…And apparently stay away from pork and people who eat it for that matter. Martin Lawrence said it best on his hit TV show, Martin, “Lips that touch swine, will never touch mine…’cause I feel so divine!” (see youtube clip below @ 1:37)
© 2009, THE BLVD: Houston's Suburb and City Guide. All rights reserved.
I have to agree with A. Onesauce; people are just out of control with this whole “pig flu” issue. I mean really; if you have good hygiene then this should not be an issue for you. Although, I do believe that this issue has been blown out of proportion and to distract us from what’s really going….a bad economy! And if that is true, then good! Grown folks need to be reminded that you may not be able to buy that house, car, or designer hand bag that you want; but you still need to have enough money to buy soap!
A. One sizzle, yo you already know I feel you on this post. Its all scare tactics. AIDS, Bird flu, Mad Cow, SARS, HIV etc, its to scare us, have us give our money to the doctor, and distract us as well. Im tired of turning on the tube and seeing the same thing over and over again. Imagine if they took the same time and energy telling us about peace, and healthy eating etc, that they do when the next flu comes around. WE all know that if we stayed clean and ate right, we wouldn’t have these problems. The only problem would be that “some” people would lose money….drug sales would go down, thats for sure….aspirin, nyquil, and all the prescriptions. WEll i gotta go, my nose is running………
A. One ..this is so funny and so real. I co sign on Omar’s comment …all scare tactics and once I watch more than 1 hour of television I get swapped into the matrix. I am going to take the blue pill and check out this madness.
“i can be a martin and u can be my ginnnna”
listen. I aint got shit constructive to say really. I just want to hold ya attention for a bit and distract you from real life shit. OH! I think i know a broad wit swine flu and she swear she got allergies..when she cough she sounds like a 87 year old asthmatic smoker who just walked up 10 flights of stairs.
oh before i forget the most important thing:
Why the artwork, albeit magnificent, has the toilet bowl higher than the doorknob?
Frozen Broccoli pops
This is a great one A, totally reminds me of old Vanity Pages Days….lets bring the essence of vanitypages back.
And I think that entire piece of artwork is actually stuck onto a real door of an establishment. I love the photo!!!
Although pandemic flu is a cause for caution, this swine flu appears to be behaving similar to the regular seasonal flu so there’s no need for panic. About 36,000 people die from the seasonal flu each year, so relatively this H1N1 flu is pretty mild (so far they’ve documented less than 100 deaths). Continue to take precautions such as hand washing and staying home when you’re sick and everything should be fine. You can trust me, I’m a doctor. LOL!
OMGoodness!!!!! one of my favorite spisodes… good ole martin and gina…..the days hmph! Great article i remember those days … found myself a lil noid as well. i went to the doctor for a cough that would’nt let up! and plus i did’nt want every one lookin at me as the culprit….. all to find out it was only a cold! not even the flu! for a mere….$135 but this is the “gotcha” w/my insurance….. self employed…. but hey thats another story…. keep feeding…props!!!